Change is such a wonderful and ugly phenomenon – at the same time. Today I was filling up a form for certain job in my Dad’s bank. In that I was supposed to fill in the number of years I have worked in a particular company. It was then that I realized that I have spent 2.6 years in Hyderabad now. Amazing. Considering that I was not at all willing to come to this city in the first place. I tried to recollect what this city has thought me and how I have changed as a person since I came here.
Let me write the next few sentences as Susheel 2.6 years ago. When I first came to Hyderabad, I was extremely immature. I was very childish. I was very vulnerable. My friends have always been of the opinion that I talk too much. Very few people know the reason why I talk so much. My mind has always been very active. It is always thinking. It is always chattering. It is extremely restless. There are only two ways in which I can calm my mind. First is my putting my heart and soul into whatever I am doing. Almost to the point that people feel that I am an extra terrestrial and/or a mad scientist when I am working full throttle. The second way is to talk. Talk with anyone and everyone. Talk about anything and everything. It keeps my mind engaged and the people around me amused. I know I make a fool out of myself by talking. But it also calms me down and makes people around me to have an interest in me.
Today I am far more mature. I am definitely not childish. I don't know if anyone knows it or not – I always have a motive behind anything and everything I do. I feel guided my something by someone/something. I don't like talking as much as I used to before. I am still vulnerable but to very lesser degree. Also in all these years I learnt the third way of calming my mind. That was by writing. I learnt this third way of calming my constantly chattering mind by a very bitter experience. Writing down something on a piece of paper calms me down. It also refocuses me. I don't have to please anyone. I don't have to think worry about hurting anyone. This is one of the reasons why I started blogging. Yes I know that maybe no one will ever be interested in what I write. But I don't care. I write.
In a nutshell I can say I have changed quite a bit in the last 2.6 years. If the change has been for good or bad, only time will tell. But I understand that I still have a long way to go before I can say that I am truly a mature person. But I am sure I have started putting steps in the right direction. And who knows, with a little writing and a lot of musings, I might as well become the person I want to be :-)
Let me write the next few sentences as Susheel 2.6 years ago. When I first came to Hyderabad, I was extremely immature. I was very childish. I was very vulnerable. My friends have always been of the opinion that I talk too much. Very few people know the reason why I talk so much. My mind has always been very active. It is always thinking. It is always chattering. It is extremely restless. There are only two ways in which I can calm my mind. First is my putting my heart and soul into whatever I am doing. Almost to the point that people feel that I am an extra terrestrial and/or a mad scientist when I am working full throttle. The second way is to talk. Talk with anyone and everyone. Talk about anything and everything. It keeps my mind engaged and the people around me amused. I know I make a fool out of myself by talking. But it also calms me down and makes people around me to have an interest in me.
Today I am far more mature. I am definitely not childish. I don't know if anyone knows it or not – I always have a motive behind anything and everything I do. I feel guided my something by someone/something. I don't like talking as much as I used to before. I am still vulnerable but to very lesser degree. Also in all these years I learnt the third way of calming my mind. That was by writing. I learnt this third way of calming my constantly chattering mind by a very bitter experience. Writing down something on a piece of paper calms me down. It also refocuses me. I don't have to please anyone. I don't have to think worry about hurting anyone. This is one of the reasons why I started blogging. Yes I know that maybe no one will ever be interested in what I write. But I don't care. I write.
In a nutshell I can say I have changed quite a bit in the last 2.6 years. If the change has been for good or bad, only time will tell. But I understand that I still have a long way to go before I can say that I am truly a mature person. But I am sure I have started putting steps in the right direction. And who knows, with a little writing and a lot of musings, I might as well become the person I want to be :-)
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