Anticipation

I am having a strange feeling today. I don't know what I should term it as. Is it sadness? Is it anger? Is it passion? Is it impatience? Is it depression? It took me just a little introspection to understand this feeling. This feeling I am having now is – Anticipation.

Have you ever wanted anything so badly that every cell of your body wants to scream out? Have you ever thought how it might fell if someone sucks out all the oxygen from the air and asks you to breadth? Have you ever felt the helplessness that you feel when you long for something with your heart and soul and you are not allowed to talk about it? Have you ever imagined how a thirsty traveler feels at the sight of a mirage in a harsh desert? Have you ever thought how it feels if the thing that you have wanted and waited for happens to fall on the plate of someone else? Have you ever felt tied down to some mundane thing when you know something brilliant is waiting for you somewhere? If you have ever felt any of these feeling, you will know how I am feeling right now.
I sometimes want to shout out loud. I want the entire world to listen that I don't care a shit about what they think about me. I want to break all the rules in the book. I want to run wild. I want to put fire to entire world. I want to smash every adversary that comes in my way. I want to become a nightmare to the people to try to belittle me. The reason why I feel this is when I am not getting what I am anticipating.

The question naturally comes – What am I anticipating? I am sick and tired of clearing so many interviews and not getting a good Job – I am anticipating a new Job. I am sick and tired of being called a childish person – I am anticipating when I will grow up. I am sick and tired of making silly mistakes – I am anticipating when I will become mature. I am sick and tired of roaming aimlessly in this world – I am anticipating knowing the goal of my life. I am sick and tired of people seeing me as a clown – I am anticipating people to know the real me. I am sick and tired of people stepping over me to reach their goals – I am anticipating becoming a more prudent person. I am sick and tired of seeing people with their lover – I am anticipating finding my dream girl. I am sick and tired of licking my own wounds – I am anticipating seeing myself spreading and wings and soaring high in the skies. The list of my anticipation is endless…
God!!!! Can’t you hear my body screaming? Can’t you hear my heart beating? Can’t you see my passion burning? Can’t you see the darkness in my light? Can’t you feel the noise in my silence? Can’t you feel the pain in my happiness? Can’t you see the direction in my aimlessness? If you can, then – Please help me!!!

I cannot find words to continue. The best thing to do would be to stop here – with a smile :-)